Over the last year, I’ve come across some friends that have REALLY made me think about what I want. They’ve asked me questions that frankly I ask everyone else, but have never thought to ask myself. The type of questions that I cannot instantly answer.
In the New Year, most feel that it’s important to be intentional with what you want to transpire. You must think about what you want in your job, what your financial goals are, who you want to surround yourself with, what type of people you aim to attract.
Granted, everyone usually has a New Year’s resolution, they post their “ins and outs” on social media, and they write down a few goals. I’m curious though, how many people do actual “life evaluations?” Do people sit down and consider about where they are, where they want to go, what they enjoy and don’t enjoy regarding their current situation?
A few months ago, a friend of mine asked me what I enjoyed most in friendships. Not what type of person I valued, not what I looked for in a friendship, but what I truly enjoyed.
I was stumped. I had never been asked that.
I can tell you that I value honest people, that are true to themselves and others. I value people who are giving, selfless and have a kind heart. I respect people that are fair and hard-working. I like to surround myself with people who make me laugh.
Yes, I enjoy their company, going out together, etc. but what do I enjoy MOST in a friendship?
After some thinking I figured out I enjoy deep, quality conversations with my friends. I love questions that don’t just scratch the surface, but instead ignite a long discussion. Conversations that make you reflect hours past the actual conversation.
Once I realized this phenomenon (literal light bulb in my head moment), I began evaluating all my friendships. I filed through the Rolodex in my head of friends I hadn’t had the best times with recently. I added to that Rolodex, friends who I slowly lost touch with, or I only heard from on my birthday. Then, I started asking myself why.
Not surprisingly, they all had a common denominator. I rarely had quality, in depth, discussions with any of these friends. WOW.
In the moment, I didn’t think they were terrible conversations, I thought they were normal. Looking back, they were conversations about how a guy annoyed them because he texted back too fast, or about the next party they were going to, or how their boss is annoying.
Now, I realized we only scratched the conversation surface with tiny claws. I realized the friends I will keep for a lifetime, are friends I have cherished, quality conversations with.
All of this to say, I encourage you all to ask yourself what you enjoy most in a friendship. Sit a think a while. Life is too short to have friends that don’t check all your boxes. Take January to do a “life evaluation.” Purchase a journal, like this one from Amazon, to write down your notes. Review what is working in your life and what’s not. Remember that jobs, friends, partners and so many other things in life are replaceable, and if what you have right now isn’t working for you – you can always find another one.